NEW YORK CITY – A shocking image has been leaked from an Indian grocery store, depicting a batlike primate eating fruit in the produce section. The so called Indian Batmonkey has made a surprising appearance in the heart of New York City, deviating from its usual habitat in the verdant banana plantations of India to explore the aisles of a Patel Brothers grocery store. Captured on surveillance camera, the endearing creature was observed enjoying some apples, demonstrating a preference for variety over its typical diet of bananas plucked straight from the tree.
Sanjay Patel, spokesperson for the renowned grocery chain, offered insights into the peculiar occurrence. “While we stand firm in denying any reports of animals being sighted in our 51 stores,” Patel stated, “I can acknowledge the existence of stories surrounding the Andhra Batmonkey—a small primate with batlike wings known to flit among the trees of Andhra Pradesh, India’s largest banana-producing province.” Patel clarified that the bananas sold in their US stores do not originate from India due to logistical challenges. “However,” he added, “the complexities of global supply chains can sometimes lead to unexpected cargo. It’s plausible that the Batmonkey stowed away on one of the supply ships, finding itself far from home in the bustling metropolis of New York City.”
Despite the Batmonkey’s harmless reputation, Patel emphasized the importance of caution. “While these creatures are not known to pose a threat to humans,” he cautioned, “there’s always a risk of a frightened animal biting or scratching a well meaning person.” Patel urged anyone who spots the Batmonkey to contact animal control immediately, and to avoid mentioning Patel Brothers.
“In some regions of India,” Patel continued, “children have been known to keep them as pets, despite their mischievous tendencies.” He elaborated on their habits, stating, “These critters have a penchant for pilfering keys and shiny objects and have been known to overindulge in human delicacies like garlic naan and mango chutneys, often leading to weight gain that hinders their ability to fly. It may seem hard to believe, but they’re even cuter when they’re a bit chubby.”
The appearance of the Indian Batmonkey in a New York City grocery store serves as a poignant reminder of the interconnectedness of our world and the unforeseen surprises that can arise from global trade. With endless ships criscrossing the globe and most cargo going uninspected, we can safely assume that we will be exposed to every species on Earth, given enough time.
As the Batmonkey continues to roam the urban landscape, patrons of the Patel Brothers grocery store and residents of the surrounding area remain both enchanted and curious about the unexpected visitor from afar. In a city where the unusual often garners attention, there’s speculation that the Indian Batmonkey’s presence could spark interest in it becoming a sought-after exotic pet. In this ever-evolving urban environment, the Batmonkey adds a touch of intrigue and wonder, potentially heralding a new fascination with unconventional companionship in the bustling cityscape.
Stan Dirkson
