CAMBRIDGE – In the realm of baseless convictions, few are as captivating as the theory that reality itself is nothing more than an intricately designed simulation being run on unimaginably powerful and complex computers. One local man, Edgar Webster, is a proponent of this idea, and his conviction in this theory shapes every aspect of his life. I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Edgar and explore the intersection of energy conservation and the beliefe in a simulated world.
As we settled into his sparsely furnished apartment, Edgar wasted no time in expressing his belief that our reality is managed by an advanced civilization, capable of crafting and controlling every facet of existence. “It’s a theory that’s gaining traction,” he explained, citing high-profile proponents such as Elon Musk and Nick Bostrom. “And for good reason. The more we unravel the mysteries of the universe, the more it seems that we’re living in a meticulously constructed simulation. It’s impossible to know the motivations behind such an endeavor, but I suppose the Devs work in their own way, which is something of a mystery.”
But Edgar’s belief goes beyond mere speculation. He is convinced that he, and perhaps a select few others, are truly conscious beings, while the vast majority of humanity are nothing more than non-player characters, or NPCs, in this grand simulation. “Interacting with these NPCs requires the hardware running the software of reality to use more resources,” he explained. “Every time I enter a new room or travel down a new street, the computers must consume more energy to create the perception of these new environs. By refusing to meet new people or go to new places, I can tread lightly on this incredible digital world. “
As a strict conservationist, Edgar has taken it upon himself to live the most boring life possible, believing that this will create the lightest strain on the great computers that underpin our world. He rarely leaves his spartan apartment, preferring to minimize NPC interaction so he doesn’t trigger resource hogging dialogue trees or energy guzzling friendship matrixes. “If we want to help the Great Programmers conserve energy and avoid climate change in their corner of the universe,” he asserted, “we must do our part to minimize our impact on the simulation. Obviously, the most energy efficient move would be to “exit the game,” but I feel that would be disrespectful to the great beings that went through all the effort to create this world.”
This commitment to conservation extends to every aspect of Edgar’s life. He drinks only plain water and consumes a nutrient-rich gruel that he orders online and consumes at room temperature, avoiding the energy expenditure required to cook elaborate meals. Even mundane tasks such as washing dishes are approached with careful consideration. “Using the dishwasher is actually less taxing than handwashing dishes,” he remarked. “Think about the computing resources used to generate the high-resolution graphics of sudsy sponges and splashing water – it’s an indefensible use of energy! By simply putting my few dirty dishes in the machine, the program can just spit them out clean without using those incredible GPUs to render every detail of the cleaning process.”
As our conversation continued, it became evident that Edgar’s beliefs were more than just a philosophical curiosity—they were a guiding principle that dictated his every action. While his worldview may seem extreme to some, it serves as a reminder that even in a simulated existence, resources are never truly unlimited, and we all need to do our part to keep wanton waste in check. The Great Programmers, wherever they may be, are still subject to the laws of thermodynamics, and they are still beholden to the irresistible force of Entropy. An NPC may ignore these truths, but a real Player has a responsibility to conserve the vast, but still limited resources that make all of this possible.
At least, that’s what Edgard Webster believes.
Stan Dirkson
