Welcome back to another edition of Reality Rumors, your go-to source for the juiciest gossip from the realms beyond. We’re here to lift the veil on the thinly veiled secrets that the stars, spirits, and supernatural beings would rather keep hidden. So grab your crystal ball and let’s dive into this week’s scandalous revelations!
Register a Reality Check for S.D. and J.B.:
It seems that a certain photosharing social media platform is aiming to silence the greatest news outlet that’s ever existed. What was the final straw, you ask? Well, it could be any number of things. Perhaps it was drawing attention to the good work of certain ghosts in protecting consumers from substandard cookies. Maybe it was exposing cryptid VR use or calling for the destruction of M.Z.’s Grey relatives. Or could it have been the classic “we’re all thinking it” expose on the silliest holiday of all? Whatever the reason, it seems this platform isn’t keen on keeping the truth out there.
Off of the Cryptid Train and on to the Bandwagon:
A cryptid who has reverted to a more human nomenclature has announced a partnership with a tertiary hardware producer after seeing his two furry rivals nab some attention for partnering with the top two headsets on the market. Is this a desperate plea to stay relevant after some misguided humanization, or is VR really the hot thing among these mysterious creatures?
Debauchery in the Desert:
Rumor has it that the zebras in tonight’s big game have been caught philandering about Sin City—with actual zebras! Apparently, the carnal proclivities of these elite officials are as depraved as we have all imagined, and a replacement crew has been called in at the last second while the original squad has been sentenced to sitting on ice packs for the next week. Stay out of the zoo and keep your eyes open, guys! I’ve got money riding on this one.
Creepy Cook Makes Enchanted Meals:
A wildly popular and downright delicious food columnist has come under fire over the source of her recipes. While she purports to be an original producer of delectable dishes, our contacts in the nether realms have insinuated that a certain B.B. is using the dark arts to put together recipes to die for, contacting some fairly odious demons for tips. As for me, I don’t care if she gets them from Jeffrey Dahmer, just keep the tasty treats coming!
Country Star Got Some Bad Advice: Finally, some sad news. While Nashville is reeling from the loss of a singer who really should’ve been a cowboy, it looks like 2001’s favorite son won’t be getting his wish in the afterlife, at least not for some time. Our uncharacteristically chatty undead sources have come through with another scoop, and apparently there will be neither whiskey for his men nor beer for his horses for at least 1,000 years of purgatory, as a certain beastly mark has tainted this otherwise admirable man. Sorry, folks, but TRR has never believed in mandates, and we hope your employer didn’t either, otherwise we’ll see you on the other side of the pearly gates in a millennium!
The celestial grapevine never disappoints, and Reality Rumors will be here to bring you all the latest gossip from beyond the veil. Until next time, keep your third eye open and your spirit guides close!
The Secret Sleuth
