ST JOHNS – In the sun-scorched expanses of Arizona’s High Desert, where water is a precious commodity and the arid landscape challenges agricultural endeavors, a new and unconventional solution has emerged: giant underground monster worms. Inspired by a peculiar innovation from Iowa, farmers like Stu Standish are turning to these legendary creatures to dig well casings, providing a lifeline for their farming aspirations in this famously dry region.
Stu Standish, a recent transplant from Des Moines seeking a simpler life away from the urban hustle and bustle of the big city, dreamed of self-sufficiency through farming. His vision included raising chickens and potatoes, crafting classic American dishes like chicken tenders with french fries, and even producing his own cola with a sodastream. However, upon arriving in Arizona, he encountered a formidable obstacle: the scarcity of water. Traditional well drilling was exorbitantly expensive, with estimates soaring to $100,000 for depths of up to 600 feet.
Unwilling to succumb to the high costs of conventional well drilling, Standish drew inspiration from his hometown’s innovative use of Mongolian death worms for similar purposes. With a mix of audacity and desperation and a favor from an old friend back home, he received a package from Iowa containing a solution as unconventional as the problem: giant underground monster worms.
“I figured I’d spend ten, maybe twenty grand on a well, but these bloodsuckers want 100k!” Standish exclaimed, recounting his initial shock at the staggering quotes. “Anyway, rather than do that, I went back to Iowa and came back with some deadly worms, and now all my problems have been solved.”
Standish’s approach, though unorthodox, proved remarkably effective. By employing the tunneling prowess of these monstrous worms, he managed to dig well casings at a fraction of the cost. Word of his success spread among his neighbors, who, facing similar water woes, eagerly sought his assistance.
“Sure, for 50 grand!” Standish would jest when neighbors approached him for help in well digging. Several of them, undeterred by the unconventional method or the price tag, took him up on the offer. With each successful well dug, Standish found himself stepping away from his previous online job harvesting seed phrases for Bitcoin wallets from chatrooms and into a newfound role as a pioneering well digger in the desert.
“I just copied someone else’s ideas and keep the profit for myself! I can’t lose,” Standish quipped, reveling in his unexpected success story. “If you think about it, this is just like that movie about people dealing with giant worms in the desert. You know, Tremors.”
However, not all reports from the region paint a rosy picture. Ranchers have reported missing cows, sparking speculation about the involvement of the voracious monster worms, which require hundreds of pounds of meat weekly to sustain themselves. While there’s no conclusive evidence linking the worms to the disappearances, the presence of these mysterious creatures has undoubtedly added an intriguing layer to the desert’s ecosystem.
In the High Desert of Eastern Arizona, where challenges abound and innovation knows no bounds, the use of giant underground monster worms for well digging exemplifies the resilience and resourcefulness of farmers determined to thrive in even the harshest environments. As Stu Standish and his neighbors continue to rewrite the playbook of agricultural practices, one thing remains certain: where there’s a will, and perhaps a few monstrous worms, there’s a way.
Stan Dirkson
