So, cards on the table, I’ve been going to therapy after my family started showing concerns that my recent behavior became a bit self-destructive. During one of my therapy sessions, I casually mentioned that I write for an online column. Next thing I know, my therapist is asking me to take an IQ test. I had heard of them, but I wanted to know how it worked. The therapist explains its a simple test that measures the test-taker’s intelligence on a scale from dunce to “genious”.
I couldn’t imagine why anyone would strive to be “genious” in any sense of the word, but particularly not in the realm of intelligence. Genies are enslaved magical beings that grant wishes, rumored to be very powerful by all accounts, but enslaved nonetheless. To have near limitless power and find yourself enslaved somehow doesn’t scream brilliance to me. In fact, I think it suggests exactly the opposite, and the last thing people should be doing is trying to emulate their intelligence.
Here are five reasons why I think genies are pretty dumb:
1. They are slave to the wish maker.
So let’s start with the most obvious evidence: all powerful and supposedly all knowing genies are slave to the wish maker. The wish maker is just some guy who for whatever reason was walking through a desert and found some discarded lamp, rubbed it, and out popped this ancient being of pure power to do his bidding. A being of supreme intelligence would be the one calling the shots, not answering to them. But no, genies are just there to grant the lamp finder’s every whim, no questions asked.
2. They’re not just enslaved, they’re imprisoned!
Genies always find themselves trapped in cramped lamps, sometimes for centuries, depending on others to release them. If they were so smart, they’d figure out a way to get out on their own, right? I mean, how’d they even get in there? It can’t be on purpose, because who wants to spend eternity stuck in a tiny lamp? Whoever put them there definitely outsmarted them, because again, you’re talking about a being of nearly unlimited power.
3. Genies have a reputation for being conniving jerks
The reputation of a genie’s trickery when giving out wishes completely kills their credibility. A truly smart person would be able to be subversive without everyone knowing they’re doing so, leaving a level of trust available to them in the future. But genies? Nope, they just can’t resist the urge to mess with people and everyone finds out about it.
4. They have to put restrictions on what people can wish for
Genies commonly have restrictions placed on their wish structure. A truly intelligent being wouldn’t need to have any restrictions and would find a way around whatever the wish maker did to thwart the genie’s intentions. Everyone knows the first wish should be for more wishes, right? The rules for a genie usually prevent the wish maker from doing this. Nice move genie, but think of this: you have three wishes to work with. Your first wish should be that there are no restrictions on what you could wish for. Check mate genies.
5. By their nature, genies can’t be very worldly
When released from its lamp prison, there’s no telling how long its been since the last time the genie has seen the light of day. They know nothing of the world or the technologies and events that have impacted every day life. In addition, quarters they keep in their lamps are very cramped. I can’t believe they have room for a book shelf or a computer in there to use for learning purposes. We all know that a well-read individual is a smart individual.
So there you have it, genies aren’t very smart at all. And by the way, I took my IQ test and scored a 95, just another A to put on my fridge. Genious? I couldn’t say, but really when you think about it, who would want to be?
Hiram Glassman
