Salut, les amis! This week I have two very special guests – La’La-Ra and Fai’th-Ra! My loving guides have overtaken my body and forced me to write on their behalf. This information may come too quickly for me to organize or give due credit to which guide has spoken, but I will do my best. I shall relay their messages as they are and hope they make sense to you, sweet reader. May the truth of these messages touch you in the places you need it most!
The Grey January 1 – January 29:
Grey will awaken one day this week with a fiery need to race around his planetary system. You will wish to travel with a wild intensity that may surprise you. A caution is given that you plan
your travels well and down to the very cent. Leave no detail aside. no stone overturned. Running out of fuel on some lame planet will only serve to bore you.
Etsai January 30 – February 27:
Prideful Bull, you will need extra cuddles this week. Last week tested your essence in ways that only a mother-figure could soothe. Ever the stubborn one, you will be too proud to ask for a hug, turning instead to a special pet. This is fine and acceptable, but you may wish to sub out a favorite teddy bear. Your pets need space, too.
Doppelgänger February 28 – March 27:
This week you must confront the crimes your evil twin has committed. You will be falsely accused, but you will prevail in the end. After you find justice, you will search Evil down and destroy it at its core. You will expose it for the entire world to see. All over the planet people will throw their tiny fists in the air and exclaim, “Power to the overcomer of Evil!”
Conversely, you may just stop after work for pizza and beer at a local pub. Probably on Friday, when the signs for trivia night draw you in. My guides were incredibly confusing on this one.
Sandwalker March 28 – April 25:
You will play footsie with a Mermaid this week. Try not to get out of hand and snap them with your claws of destruction. They are still half-human, remember? As halfsies, they need compassion, ego stroking, and sentimentality to get in the mood. Fai’th-Ra says you should pet them like a cat – gently and firmly, but do not pull the tail!
Sasquatch April 26 – May 24:
This week you find out what you suspected all along: Your significant other is seeing Dogman behind your back! The nerve! That narcissistic phony is stealing your main squeeze. Keep in mind, an unwilling mate cannot be stolen by another. As such, there must be some accountability given to your SO. My guides caution you to keep your cool, Sassy. Feel the situation out. Maybe you are okay with a throuple?
Chupacabra May 25 – June 22:
You may notice a few more strands of fur in your hair brush this week. Aging is a rough ride, is it not? My guides say it depends on your mindset. Think of all the stupid choices you made when you were younger. You would not make them now and that is where true growth lies – the discovery that you only have to be a dunce for a short period of time. Now, you are wiser because you have learned.
Lusca June 23 – July 21:
Lusca is in a strange spiritual zone this week. You question everything, but find no solid answers. La’La-Ra says you must spend time enjoying the new growth of Spring if you are able. The whistling and rustling sounds you hear will be the answers you seek.
Centaur July 22 – August 19:
Take time to process the betrayal and stress of last week. Social Centaur, it is time to go inside. You may not have been in a quiet mental state for many years, but now is the time for inner reflection. Even the most extroverted of us have need of internal silence occasionally.
Goatman August 20 – September 17:
You are known as a humorist. You love to crack jokes, even if they come at your own expense. Wit is a gift you bring to the universe. This week, my guides have another calling for you: service to others. They can be in any form you choose – human, animal, plant, or ether-breather and it is up to you how you go about it. Whichever you choose, you will make it fun for
everyone!
Frogman September 18 – October 16:
Distractions are plenty this week. You may feel torn between work, family, and friends. Do your best to stay on top of it all. Disappearing right now will fail to serve anyone, including yourself. If you cannot be mentally present, at least be there in the physical. You can do it, Froggy! We are all rooting for you
The Loch Ness Monster October 17 – November 7:
Nessie has had enough! First, the pH balance of the Loch went all wanky. Then, there was that ratchet fisherman last week. Now, bratty canoeing kids are splashing around and upsetting your algae garden. If this blatant disregard continues you will need to surface and set everything straight
Beast of Exmoor November 8 – December 6:
Could it be? Say it ain’t so! Another beast has claimed the crown of “Most Beautiful Cryptid.” My guides see a great battle ahead for the BoE. Sharpen your claws. You must fight to keepyour throne from the grips of this new contender. Who are they? I cannot see…
Mermaid December 7 – December 31:
Merfolk will find it hard to put down the remote or cell this week. You may feel lazy and disinterested about…well, everything. This is fine. Everyone needs a break. To make sure it is only a brief lethargy and not an incoming illness, try to eat healthy and get plenty of water.
Thank you to La’La-Ra and Fai’th-Ra! My guides may not always say what we wish to hear, but they always speak from a place of affection and truth. May their guidance assist you throughout your week to flourish and thrive. May you find ways to express your soul essence – love, sympathy, respect for self and others, and overflowing kindness!
Until next week, my friends!
Lady Bacon
