Salut, les amis! The end of April is upon us. Time to get those last seeds in the ground, my dears. Self-sufficiency is the word of the year. La’La-Ra and Fai’th-Ra (most beloved of ECK) are giving clear signs the economy will stagnate and prices will continue to rise on edibles and household items. Stock up and reuse or repurpose what you can.
The Grey January 1 – January 29:
Grey has not seen the new film and could care less. He has been traveling the outer reaches of space for so long he lost contact with all forms of culture and entertainment. He will soon regret his choices when he gets that invite to the Cryptid Awards in a few months.
Etsai January 30 – February 27:
Get out of that flower bed, Bullsy. You cannot let your jealousy of Sasquatch get the better of you. You must learn to control your temper. That rhododendron did nothing to you.
Doppelgänger February 28 – March 27:
A producer has been trying to contact you about making a bio-pic of your life. Your evil twin keeps fouling up the works. Clock that goober upside the head before you both blow a once- in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Sandwalker March 28 – April 25:
Sandy will not be bothering with any movies this week. You ate too much food at last weeks picnic and are still paying for it a week later. Try to take it easy this week, little buddy. Your wee tum-tum can only hold so much.
Sasquatch April 26 – May 24:
All that self-improvement has paid off. You are a bonafide star! Try not to the let the fame from your family’s bio-pic get to your head. Memento Mori, Sassy.
Chupacabra May 25 – June 22:
You have been wondering if stalking goats is a waste of your life. You know, it may be. Look into moving as soon as you can. Try to find a nice wooded area or a place near the beach.
Lusca June 23 – July 21:
Lusca is feeling jealous of other cryptids this week. You need to check yourself. Repeat after me: Lusca is a sexy beast. Lusca is a worthy beast. Lusca is a good beast. Just keep doing that for a while until you get over yourself.
Centaur July 22 – August 19:
You cannot party your life away, cutie. You need to give back sometimes. Why not have a night on the town in support of your local arts community? Check out local listings for an art exhibit, film showing, or a free concert in the park.
Goatman August 20 – September 17:
You have been lost in a world of your own recently. You may be wondering how you can make your mark on the world this year. Keep investigating. The answers you seek, also seek you.
Frogman September 18 – October 16:
Someone would make a movie about you but they can never find you. I may not speak for everyone, but I certainly hope you make it to the Cryptid Awards this year. I hear there might be a prize for Most Elusive Cryptid. I guess we will have to see.
The Loch Ness Monster October 17 – November 7:
Sweet, Nessie. You swim so far removed from the bright lights of Hollywood. You truly have the life, my dear. Who needs all the hoopla anyway? We have algae. We lack nothing.
Beast of Exmoor November 8 – December 6:
You have gone back into your den to hide. Seeing the crowds go wild over Sasquatch has made you fearful that someone will come looking for you and spill your embarrassing secrets all over the world. Worry not. The audiences are fickle and will move on next week.
Mermaid December 7 – December 31:
You got asked on a date to see that new cryptid movie everyone is raving about. It may not be your thing, but remember you had your day in the sun a few times already. It will be fine to share your spotlight with Sassy for just this week.
As you can see, our cryptid friends are an envious group this week. The moral of their story and ours is for each of us to shine in our own way. Let that which lives inside you emanate out to make the world a better place for everyone.
Until next week, my friends!
Lady Bacon
