Alright, so I think I’ve cracked the code on climate change, and it’s so simple you’ll kick yourself for not seeing it. Climate change isn’t some complex scientific phenomenon – it’s just the changing of the seasons. Think about it, we spend half the year going into cold Weather then coming out of it. What we then have is Summer, seemingly a welcome change, but we forget how hot summer can be.
Of course the climate is changing when you examine it, why else would we be sledding at one point of the year, and sweating on a beach somewhere at another? Every year when the temperature starts crawling into the 90’s, we all turn to each other and remark something smarmy like, “climate change huh?” But we don’t even stop and wonder, why do I think that? Maybe it’s because just a few months ago, I was complaining about icy roads and ingesting copious amounts of baked goods to keep warm.
For evidence, consider the things you are doing during the summer months that you wouldn’t be doing in the winter.
1. Barbecues and Outdoor Cooking
Alright, so in the cold Winter months, when you get hungry, what do you do? Whether you are doing soup, pies, or fresh breads, you’re cooking and eating comfort foods indoors. The cold keeps you huddled around the around the stove, dreaming of sunnier days.
Now picture yourself in July and August, look around you. What do you see? Most weekends, you’re outside, either manning the grill and flipping burgers and dogs, or attending someone else’s backyard party. These fun moments we associate with Summer are also closely tied to warmer weather. The second the temperature climbs above 75 degrees, every backyard in America transforms into a culinary battlefield, with charcoal and propane as your weapons of choice. But every year, we forget about the coming fun that accompany the rising temperatures and start debating each other about carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere. Let’s just enjoy ourselves!
2. Beach Days and Swimming
Have you ever joined those old guys dressed like classic circus strongmen doing the polar plunge into icy ocean waves in January? If not, don’t. Those men are crazy and very close to death, and are trying to get themselves used to lower temperatures in hopes that they will enjoy the comfort of an icy grave.
The rest of us enjoy swimming and trips to the beach at large in the Summer months. Again, this is because the temperature is much higher at this time of the year. Climate change is all around us at all times, it’s just a matter of adjusting your activities to match the ebbs and flows of temperature.
3. Melting Ice Cream
If you’re like me, you like ice cream regardless of how cold or hot it is outside. But, unlike in the Winter, in the Summer that ice cream melts. This is climate change.
4. Fireworks and Late-Night Bonfires
In the Winter, no one wants to hang out with you. NO ONE. It’s simply too cold to enjoy anything, especially the comradery of another person.
The Summer, on the other hand, is a time of fun and social occasions. Why? The activities we associate with fun and being social are closely tied to the warmer months. Of course I’m talking about fireworks and bonfires. These are summer blockbuster events of your social calendar. Sure, you can have a bonfire in winter, but let’s be honest – it’s not the same when you’re wrapped in ten blankets and still shivering. And fireworks? Those sparkling, booming symbols of Summer fun just don’t have the same appeal when it’s a freezing New Year’s Eve. Think of the actual fireworks you see on TV during New Year’s Eve broadcasts. They’re meaningless and no one even looks at them. It’s just too cold.
5. Sweating Buckets While Doing Absolutely Nothing
When Winter is in full swing, you’d be hard pressed to find a bead of sweat on anyone’s brow. One could be bundled in layer after layer of heavy material and running around in circles, but their sweat glands would remain dormant.
In the summer, sweat hangs to everyone like an old childhood friend that just won’t take a hint. You’ve moved on, “please stop bothering me”, you say, but the sweat continues to cling to you. Scientists say that sweat is actually meant to cool you down, and it’s the rising temperature that makes this necessary.
So, there you have it. Climate change? Nah, it’s just summer, and we’re all essentially just goldfish with memory issues. And for anyone who read this and said, “Ooooh, but Harmon, you’re just talking about temperature, not climate.” You don’t even realize how foolish you really are, I mean that’s not even my name. When you turn on the AC, notice that it’s called climate control and not temperature control.
Hiram Glassman
