Recently, I found myself in the fortunate position of having come into some money. For once, life seemed to be on the upswing. Permanent housing? Check. My trusty Durango up to date on oil changes? Check. A stylish wardrobe from the local truck stop? Double check. Life was looking good, and I decided it was time to mix things up a bit. The carnivore diet had served me well, but I thought, why not throw in some fruits and vegetables? Go full local and organic, haunt the farmer’s market, and get the freshest produce available, no matter the cost. What could go wrong?
Sticker Shock at the Market
My first trip to the local farmer’s market was eye-opening, to say the least. Eggs priced at $6 a dozen? Ground beef at $10 a pound? And the prices of the more luxurious cuts of beef were so astronomical, I dare not report them here. The shock alone might be fatal for some of our more delicate readers.
Determined to diversify my diet, I turned my attention to vegetables. Surely, these simple foods grown in the earth wouldn’t break the bank. But, to my dismay, they were just as bad. Carrots, of all things, were priced like they were dipped in gold. I tried to haggle with the young lady behind the stall, hoping to knock a few dollars off her insultingly high asking price. But she stood firm, her resolve undoubtedly forged in the fires of countless market day negotiations.
These awkward freaks at the farmer’s market were not the simple, friendly purveryors of quality food that I had expected. These were hard boiled merchants who knew that they could get what they wanted out of the suburban rubes who were all too eager to part with their hard earned money, who were happy to enrich these socially awkward, kind of rude farmers. Lucky for me, these chatty customers distracted the staff at the market, and I was able to fill the pockets of my new baja hoodie at a 100% discount.
The Grocery Store Alternative
Defeated but not ready to give up, I headed to the local grocery store. There, I could at least fill my cart for a reasonable price, though it was with pesticide-laden produce that had traveled thousands of miles. It was a far cry from the fresh, local, organic vision I had, but at least it was affordable. The economies of scale, coupled with the borderline slavery of low-wage illegal labor, allowed me to eat nutritious food transported from an irresponsible distance, at a price that was practically stealing. Speaking of stealing, I may have “accidentally” skipped scanning a few items at the self-checkout. Since I was doing the job of a cashier, I figured I could take my wages in product, specifically all of the most expensive items.
A Lesson Learned
In the end, I learned a valuable lesson. Sometimes, the romantic idea of living off local, organic produce isn’t worth the financial strain. While it’s great to support local farmers, there’s a reason grocery stores still thrive. They offer convenience and affordability that farmer’s markets just can’t match. So, for now, I’ll continue to blend my diet with the best of both worlds: the affordable, albeit questionably sourced produce from the grocery store, and stealing from the farmer’s market when I think I can get away with it.
Mohammed Sinclair
