For years, I was a steadfast voter, believing in the power of my ballot to influence change. However, over time, I’ve become increasingly disillusioned by what I perceive as a puppet show of figurehead politicians who are clearly not the ones in control. Watching the recent presidential debate between a fat moron, a decrepit nobody, and some sort of giant worm, I finally reached my limits. Voting is for losers, and I’m not doing it anymore.
There’s absolutely no chance that these people are making any meaningful decisions, so why throw my considerable support behind either one of them? The worm seems to be the best candidate, but I am a proud mammal supremacist and will not be a class traitor by supporting some invertebrate freak, no matter how sensible he seems. Who controls the worm, anyway? RFK? I’m sorry, but he can’t even control his own wife, let alone a charismatic worm.
Citizenship Is Worthless
I’ve always valued my American citizenship, but what is it actually worth? It seems that anyone with a sob story is showing up legally, and has practically all of the privileges of citizenship, except for voting, which doesn’t even matter anyway! A Princeton study nearly a decade ago proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that public opinion has basically zero effect on legislation, so who cares if you get to vote for a crumbling mummy, an orange gorilla, or a giant worm?
There’s absolutely zero benefit to citizenship, and now I hear that South Americans are trying to call themselves just plain Americans with a straight face! All over the internet, young people from the Western Hemisphere have been attempting to lay claim to the mantle of America, claiming that the elongated land mass of North and South America are actually one giant continent: America. This is so stupid that it’s difficult to refute, and is a clear attempt to swagger jack the glory of the former Greatest Country on Earth. None of these stolen valor countries have any history of using the word this way, and it’s just another assault on the very concept of America.
Fighting Over Crumbs
The real tragedy is that America is already dead. Citizenship is meaningless, voting doesn’t do anything, and the cost of living is so out of control that the American dream of home ownership is harder than ever to achieve. The only affordable food is loaded with pesticides, strange hormonal cocktails that have lead to high rates of androgyny and strange body types, and genetically modified oils and legumes that humans are incapable of processing in high amounts. Without my working knowledge of the Publix deli, I fear that I would need to consume that slop that you, dear reader, enjoy on a daily basis. While giant corporations like The Reality Register make millions, we little folk must scrimp and save to survive.
I’m Opting Out
For me, the decision to stop voting is not one made lightly. It is a form of protest, a declaration that I do not consent to being governed by a system that I believe no longer serves its people. By opting out, I hope to send a message that the government’s legitimacy rests on the consent of the governed—and I am withdrawing mine.
Democracy is supposed to be about the will of the people, but what happens when the system stops reflecting that will? By not voting, I’m exercising my right to say that I do not support this farce. It’s the only way I can protest without resorting to violence.
How many others will follow suit, and what will it take to knock them out of their idiotic delusion that voting matters?
Mohammed SInclair
