Salut, les amis! This week brings the full moon in the human-derived sign of Capricorn – as
opposed to the signs of the Cryptid Horoscope which are entirely based on fact. This is the
second time a Capricorn moon occurs in the same year and it is kind of special and weird – to
“them” anyway. “Them” being humans. Lady Bacon is not one of “those.” Secrets out. What
can a mystic do?
The Grey January 1 – January 29:
Gazing at the moon from a distance is probably a good idea. The radiation will discolor your
silvery skin and choke out your natural aura.
Etsai January 30 – February 27:
While watching the running of the planetary demon bulls you may feel some sympathy for the
poor creatures. It will be hard to distinguish yourself from them. Use that empathy to fund a
new social justice movement.
Doppelgänger February 28 – March 27:
Under the Capricorn moon you will want to turn inward. While scrying in a magic mirror you
may see two reflections. Fear not! It is just your wayward twin – again.
Sandwalker March 28 – April 25:
Hit the gym this week. You have been working out your carapace for so long you have
neglected your propodus and carpus. Time to beef up.
Sasquatch April 26 – May 24:
You need diversion. Take up a new instrument – try the bagpipes or a tuba. Only you have the
ability to take the worst sounds in music and make them enjoyable.
Chupacabra May 25 – June 22:
Under the spell of the Capricorn moon you may eye a juicy specimen across the field. Your
heart will explode with passions untamed. Rush to them for they are your destiny!
Lusca June 23 – July 21:
You may be feeling the urge to settle down this week. May I suggest setting the wedding to
correspond with a useless holiday like Flag or Arbor Day? These days are greatly auspicious to
multi-legged wonders like yourself.
Centaur July 22 – August 19:
You are entering your introspective phase. Time to trade in the craft beer mugs and college
sports memorabilia for a pair of reading spectacles and a collection of short stories by Edgar
Allan Poe.
Goatman August 20 – September 17:
You have been considering a career change. Chasing after knowledge in the lab really did not
pay off. Time to attack some vehicles and show everyone that you are a goat of action, not
mere thought.
Frogman September 18 – October 16:
Froggy finds himself acting social this week. Last weeks smash hit karaoke version of “It’s
Raining Men” brought the house down. Now, they have to beat wannabe friends off with a
stick. The hermit’s life is looking better everyday.
The Loch Ness Monster October 17 – November 7:
You may be tempted to leave the loch this week for a rare visit to a local Scottish pub. Try to
wear a hat and scarf to disguise yourself. It is bound to work! And, try not to get so drunk you
ramble on about how no one understands the plight of the aquatic cryptids. You can be such a
buzzkill sometimes.
Beast of Exmoor November 8 – December 6:
That rude, uninitiated cryptid, Dog Man, chased you last week and gave you a complex. Push
aside all thoughts that your graceful feline energy has been stifled by that lunatic. Your kittens
have inherited your rage and they shall avenge you!
Mermaid December 7 – December 31:
Swimming under the full moon will offer a romantic glow to your shenanigans. All you need are
some pretty shells and a plate of sea cucumber in red algae sauce and you have the fixings for
a sensual romp of naughtiness. Shiver me timbers!
Use the full moon in Capricorn to figure out what you can do differently with yourselves. This is
a good time to get serious about how you make and spend money. Study up on personal
finance, examine your holdings, or look into stock investing.
Love to all!
Lady Bacon
