ANYWHERE, USA – In a haunting tale that transcends the realms of the supernatural, Mildred, a disgruntled poltergeist, is expressing her spectral dissatisfaction with her current nomadic lifestyle as she drifts alongside the Wendell family in their full-time RV.
“I’ve had it up to my ectoplasmic eyeballs with this constant moving around!” wailed Mildred, her transparent figure flickering in annoyance. “I just want a nice, creaky Victorian house to call my own, you know? A place where I can rattle the shutters and make the chandeliers swing like the good old days.”
Mildred bemoans the cramped quarters of the Wendell’s 200-square-foot mobile abode, especially when they hit the road. “Everything gets knocked around when they move this rig! Can’t a ghost catch a break and enjoy a haunting without the constant jostling?”
Yearning for the eerie ambiance of an antiquated Victorian, Mildred dreams of tormenting a young couple trying to renovate their newfound residence. “I want to scatter tools, whisper chilling warnings in their ears, and make their paint cans spill inexplicably. You know, classic ghost stuff.”
However, Mildred is stuck with the Wendell family – a trio of oblivious children and their ever-rolling abode. “Those brats spend the whole time outside, and the campfire is downright spooky for ghosts. I’m not trying to bond with my ghostly kin over s’mores, thank you very much!”
The poltergeist is particularly frustrated by the RV’s impracticalities. “These cabinets and drawers have these fancy latching mechanisms. I can’t properly rattle them like in the good old days. It’s a ghost’s nightmare! I’m practically doing ghost gymnastics just to get a decent knock or two.”
To add to her spectral strife, Mildred has faced backlash from the local haunts who don’t take kindly to an out-of-town poltergeist encroaching on their territory. “They’ve been giving me the ghostly stink-eye, and I’m just tired of being the new ghoul in town.”
In a fit of frustration, Mildred contemplates a rather unconventional haunting strategy. “I’ll probably just wander off and haunt an outhouse for a while. At least there, the ambiance is right, and nobody cares if the toilet paper mysteriously unrolls itself.”
As Mildred contemplates her ghostly existence on the road with the Wendells, the echoes of her spectral sighs reverberate through the confines of the RV, a testament to the eternal struggles of a poltergeist yearning for a stationary haunting haven.
As for the Wendells? They’ve announced plans to move into a yurt, so maybe there’s hope for Mildred yet.
Mohammed Sinclair
