ANTARCTICA – Immediately following the release of famed journalist Julian Assange, the Reality Register has received reports that suggest Queen Elizabeth II is not actually dead, but rather being held in a secret cryogenic facility in the British Antarctic Territory. Even more astonishing is the claim that the Queen, who faked her death in 2022, miraculously became pregnant at the age of 96. The strain of the pregnancy was reportedly too much for her nearly century-old body to bear, leading Royal Advisors to make the unprecedented decision to place her in cryogenic stasis until they could determine the cause of this extraordinary event, and the best course of action to deliver and protect the Royal bundle of joy.
Cryogenic Stasis: A Modern Miracle
Cryogenic stasis involves preserving a human body at extremely low temperatures with the hope of reviving it in the future. The process requires cooling the body to cryogenic temperatures—typically below -130 degrees Celsius—where metabolic and chemical processes virtually cease. This method is often used in the context of preserving bodies for potential future resuscitation when medical advancements could address currently incurable conditions.
In the Queen’s case, informants say she was whisked away to this Antarctic facility and frozen solid. This drastic measure was deemed necessary to protect both her and her unborn child. For the public, however, a different story was spun: one of her many body doubles was executed and displayed in a grand public funeral, reinforcing the belief that the monarch had passed away, though she lives on in the hearts and minds of the subjects of the Commonwealth.
A Royal Mystery: Who Is the Father?
While the Queen’s pregnancy at such an advanced age is miraculous in itself, the burning question remains: who is the father of this royal mystery? Given the Queen’s age and physical repulsivness, it’s hard to believe that anyone would be interested in sleeping with her, but there is one particularly scandalous theory points fingers at King Charles himself.
Sources suggest that in a classic display of aristocratic depravity, King Charles may have been secretly engaging in an illicit relationship with his mother for years. As the likelihood of pregnancy seemed negligible at her advanced age, it is rumored that precautions were eventually abandoned, leading to this moral atrocity of a geriatic incestuous union.
An Heir to Usher in a New Era?
The implications of this unborn child, should it ever be brought to term and revived, are profound. Straddling royal generations, this frozen abomination could be seen as the true heir to the British throne, straddling generations and transcending the petty morality of a forgotten era. In a monarchy steeped in tradition and controversy, the potential revival of the Queen and her child could mark the beginning of a new golden age for the faded British Empire.
If nurtured and brought up properly, this royal offspring could bridge the past and the future, embodying the continuity of the monarchy in a way never before imagined. Rumblings from Delaware indicate that the First Son has expressed an interest in marrying this frozen fetus, uniting the lost colony of America with its parent nation, and undoing the Revolution itself. The British Empire, once the most powerful in the world, might find new vigor in this unprecedented event, rallying around a symbol of resilience and rebirth.
Conclusion: A New Dawn for the Monarchy?
As the world grapples with the implications of this extraordinary news, one thing is certain: the British monarchy has once again proven its capacity for surprise and reinvention. Whether the Queen and her unborn child will ever emerge from their icy sanctuary remains to be seen, but the mere possibility is enough to captivate the imagination and stir the hearts of monarchists and skeptics alike.
Franklin Carson
