NEW YORK CITY – In a world where mythical beings are often relegated to the shadows of folklore or sensationalized in tabloid tales, one creature has emerged from the depths of anonymity to champion the rights of his fellow cryptids. Meet Jorge, formerly known as the Chupacabra, now the driving force behind Cryptid Rights Yesterday (CRY), a nonprofit organization dedicated to advocating for the dignity, respect, and fair treatment of all cryptids.
Jorge’s journey from cryptid to activist began with a simple realization: that the term “monster” was not just a descriptor, but a deadly pejorative that incited fear and discrimination. “Monster is a loaded word,” Jorge explains, his voice tinged with passion. “It’s the sort of word that gets the pitchforks and torches out. I won’t stand idly by while noble creatures like Nessie are labeled as such.”
Indeed, Jorge’s dedication to rebranding the Loch Ness Monster as Nessie reflects his broader mission to combat prejudice and bias against cryptids. “Please, call her Nessie,” he urges, “and donate to CRY so that we can get the satisfaction that she deserves from the City of New York, which blatantly discriminated against her in favor of the Wendigo, a privileged forest spirit that isn’t really a cryptid and has always had the support of the establishment.”
For Jorge, the fight for cryptid rights extends beyond mere semantics. He envisions a world where every cryptid is treated with dignity, respect, and ideally, a steady source of income. “I won’t rest until every cryptid has the recognition they deserve,” he declares, “preferably with a little something extra in their pockets, enough to pay their dues to CRY.”
To fund his crusade, Jorge has sold cryptid sensitivity seminars to major corporations like Boeing, IBM, and even the Federal Government. “My goal is to have cryptid sensitivity training in most major corporations,” he explains, “and to do away with any references to monsters, creatures, demons, or, ugh, aliens. Someday, I expect that cryptids will be included the Civil Rights Act.”
Jorge’s efforts have not gone unnoticed in Hollywood, where he has taken aim at the practice of casting human actors in elaborate makeup or costumes to portray cryptids. “It’s offensive and a form of theft,” he asserts. “Sasquatch, Mothman, Nessie, and especially Dogman have all worked hard to create an atmosphere of mystery. It’s outrageous that human actors are taking work that rightfully belongs to cryptids through the use of advanced costumes and makeup. Don’t get me started on CGI, we’re working on that one.”
As Jorge continues to champion the cause of cryptid rights, he acknowledges the challenges ahead. “I’m trying to come up with a new word for cryptid,” he admits, “but I haven’t found one that obfuscates the meaning well enough.”
In a world often divided by prejudice and fear, Jorge’s dedication to the marginalized beings of this planet serves as a beacon of hope. Through Cryptid Rights Yesterday, he is paving the way for a future where cryptids are not just creatures of myth and legend, but valued members of society deserving of recognition, respect, and yes, perhaps even a little extra income.
Lhana Lhak
