NEW YORK CITY – In the wake of a series of alarming incidents plaguing New York City’s subway system, city officials have taken an unprecedented step to address growing concerns about safety. Recent attacks on passengers and subway employees have prompted a swift and decisive response, with the National Guard being enlisted to conduct inspections of bags on the subway. However, in a bid to ensure fairness and mitigate concerns of racial profiling, an unexpected ally has emerged: the legendary Wendigo.
The Wendigo is a figure deeply ingrained in the folklore of Indigenous peoples of North America, including the Algonquian who are native to New York State. Often depicted as a malevolent spirit or monster, the Wendigo is said to possess a towering stature, with gaunt, emaciated features and piercing eyes. Its most distinctive trait, however, lies in its insatiable hunger for human flesh, driving it to commit unspeakable acts of violence and cannibalism.
But beyond its terrifying appearance and appetite for destruction, the Wendigo possesses a unique ability that sets it apart from other cryptids: the uncanny ability to smell fear and detect greed in the hearts of individuals. This innate sensitivity to the emotions and intentions of others makes the Wendigo an ideal candidate for the task at hand—ensuring the safety and security of New York City’s subway system.
City officials hope that by enlisting the aid of the Wendigo, they can ensure that inspections are conducted with the utmost fairness and impartiality. Unlike human inspectors who may be susceptible to biases or prejudices, the Wendigo’s supernatural abilities enable it to discern the true nature of those it encounters, regardless of their race or background.
Of course, the decision to turn to the Wendigo was not made lightly. Other cryptids were considered for the role, but ultimately deemed unsuitable for various reasons. Bigfoot, with its gentle demeanor and tendency to avoid human contact, was deemed too cuddly for the task at hand. The Chupacabra, despite its fearsome reputation, proved elusive and uncooperative, refusing to return any calls or inquiries.
Even the legendary Loch Ness Monster, known affectionately as Nessie, threw its hat into the ring, eager to lend its aquatic prowess to the cause. However, practical considerations ultimately led city officials to reject Nessie’s application, as transporting the massive creature onto dry land for inspections proved to be impractical and logistically challenging.
In light of this decision, rumors have begun to circulate that Nessie is considering legal action against the city, alleging discrimination and unfair treatment. Whether or not these rumors hold any truth remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: with the help of the Wendigo, New York City’s subway system is poised to undergo a dramatic transformation—one that promises to prioritize safety, fairness, and peace of mind for all who rely on it.
Stan Dirkson
