In an age where misinformation spreads like wildfire, it’s more important than ever to separate election facts from election fiction. While some rumors are absurd and easily debunked, others have just enough truth to make them believable. Here are five common election-related lies and the truths that make them possible.
The Pants Pooping Conspiracy
Let’s just get this out of the way: there is no evidence that either Donald Trump or Joseph Biden have pooped their pants. One hilarious conspiracy theory alleges that the current president filled his drawers with the Fool’s Fudge during a meeting with the Pope and that investigators actually did find fecal bacteria in the chambers in question. However, there is a reasonable explanation: the Cardinals at the Vatican are all unmarried, confirmed bachelors, and they have particular extracurricular interests that tend to spread a little E. Coli here and there. Trump, who some observers claim has too big of a butt for a man of his demographics, stands accused of wearing a diaper. Reports from people in the know say that he is just genetically blessed with two sweet hamhocks, and is actually flattered by the accusations.
Biden’s Speech Issues
Current President Biden is well-known for speaking nonsense, both in the deranged substance of his policies and the clumsy way he expresses the opinions given to him by shadowy handlers. Accusations of dementia have followed him for nearly a decade now, while some say he’s merely stupid, and others point to a lifelong stutter. The stuttering story seems like a recent invention, with nearly all references to a Biden stutter coming during the first Obama campaign, where Biden was chosen to occupy the office of Vice President, a role traditionally reserved for longtime governors or senators that lack any real charisma or gravitas. The Biden stutter seemed completely made up, a handy cover to gloss over his very real problems with oratory and truthfulness. However, during our research, we managed to find a 1994 reference to the speech disorder in a very boring C-SPAN interview! The stutter, shockingly, is real.
Election Trust Issues
Nobody believes in elections anymore. In 2016, Democrats blamed Russian Election Interference on social media for the loss of Hillary Clinton, Peace Be Upon Her. In 2020, mail-in voting fraud was the conspiracy of choice that Trump Republicans used to explain the strange vote totals in several states, leading to an election loss for the most hated man in America since George W. Bush. While both of these conspiracies are probably true to some extent, it’s impossible to ignore that the American people are simply not, by and large, very thoughtful when it comes to their political beliefs. They’ll upend core beliefs depending on which way the wind is blowing, and what their favorite media personalities are emphasizing that week. At the end of this election, we will certainly have a new crop of conspiracies, and they will all be a little bit true, but ultimately it’s the malleability of the American mind that will decide this election. That, and whoever is better at cheating.
Trump’s Immigration Record
Trump ran in 2016 as an America First candidate and has been accused of attempting to reduce the number of immigrants moving to America. In the first half of his term, Trump did slightly reduce the number of legal immigrants that arrived in the U.S. on his watch, but the endless illegal flow carried on pretty much unabated. The coronavirus pandemic did significantly more to reduce immigration in the latter half of his administration, so perhaps that is why he is considered the anti-immigration candidate, even though he has vowed to staple green cards to any international student’s college diplomas and is currently married to a former illegal immigrant. He deported no more than any other recent president, so his reputation as an anti-immigrant crusader seems to be based almost entirely on rhetoric, and not substance. Curiously, his supporters remain steadfast, even though he never delivered much of anything that they asked for.
The Myth of the Undecided Voter
There is a presidential campaign being waged right now, with ad buys, talk show appearances, political rallies, debates and media surrogates spreading their propaganda on every possible newsfeed. Oddly, the people running these campaigns seem to think that there are any undecided voters in the country. Who are these mythical people who haven’t made up their minds? There’s nothing new in this election, except each candidate is older and more decrepit. Theoretically, people could decide to change their minds based on Trump’s felony conviction or on Biden’s embarrassing debate performance, but that’s unlikely to happen. More likely, things will just get a little worse every year, and eventually the great working people of this nation will be forced to admit that they’ve been hosed by a two-headed beast.
In this era of misinformation, it’s easy to see why so many outlandish theories gain traction. While some claims are entirely fabricated, others are rooted in small truths that lend them an air of plausibility. Understanding the nuances behind these lies helps us better navigate the murky waters of election season and see through the fog of propaganda. Stay informed, stay critical, and always question the narrative.
Lhana Lhak
