In the days following Easter, a young gnome ventured into the post-Easter clearance section of a local walmart. Like most good hearted Americans, Whistlebottom searched the aisles for Reese’s Eggs and other chocolately delights, finally made affordable by the after holiday discounts to clear inventory. However, what this gnome found was not sweet, but rather, concerning.
“Amidst the scattered remnants of Easter decorations, I stumbled upon a collection of gnome figurines, their cheerful faces frozen in eternal springtime joy.” Whistlebottom explains, “Yet, as a gnome myself, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of discomfort at the sight. Gnomes have absolutely nothing to do with Easter, yet here we were, inexplicably intertwined with the festivities.”
This peculiar trend is not confined to Easter alone. It seems that gnomes have infiltrated holiday decorations across the United States with increasing fervor. From Christmas to Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day to July 4th, gnomes have become ubiquitous, adorning shelves and posted on front door wreaths with their diminutive presence.
But why? What purpose does it serve to shoehorn gnomes into every conceivable holiday tableau? As the American consumer is left to ponder this question, gnomes everywhere can’t help but feel a sense of disconnect.
“We were left confused after Christmas,” says Whistlebottom, “After all, gnomes are almost universally of the Jewish faith, with our history and traditions dating back centuries. But it was at least somewhat understandable that people may be confusing gnomes with elves, or that our snowy beards were remeniscent of Santa Claus. But when Valentine’s day rolled around, we really started to take notice. What is the connection?”
“I don’t know, we really don’t want to complain.” Whistlebottom says, shifting uncomfortably during our interview. “It just makes no sense to us. The appropriation of our likeness for holidays seems not only misguided but also deeply disconcerting, particularly for holidays of a religious nature that has nothing to do with our own faith.”
Looking at the number of gnome themed items available on clearance aisles after each holiday, one must question the profitability of this trend. Are consumers truly clamoring for gnome-themed Christmas ornaments or St. Patrick’s Day decorations? Or are they simply succumbing to the whims of marketers who have latched onto the gnome craze in search of a quick buck?
“As a gnome, I implore you to pause and consider the implications of this trend. Gnomes are not mere decorations to be bought and sold at the whims of holiday fads. We have a rich cultural heritage that deserves respect and recognition, not commodification for the sake of seasonal festivities.” Says Whistlebottom with tears in his eyes.
The next time you find yourself reaching for a gnome-themed decoration, we at The Reality Register urge you to think twice. Remember that behind those rosy cheeks and pointed hats lies a proud and ancient tradition, one that deserves to be honored rather than exploited for commercial gain. It’s time to gnome up and take a stand against the gnomeification of our traditions.
The Ghost of Andrew Crowe
