NEWPORT – The inevitable happened at the 3rd Annual Newport Food Truck & Craft Beer Festival in Newport, Rhode Island, when Manny Tavares, a laborer from nearby Acushnet, Massachusetts, found himself hospitalized for nearly two months after an ill-fated food truck expedition. Tavares, a self-described “food enthusiast,” had been eagerly anticipating the event, saving a portion of his weekly pay over the past year specifically for this culinary extravaganza. Little did he know, this gastronomic adventure would leave him nearly mummified in an endless line.
Arriving before the festival’s 12 p.m. start time, Tavares was greeted by a giant asphalt parking lot already heating up under the Rhode Island summer sun. The lines at every food truck, save for the vegan options, were already stretching out into the street. Tavares’ excitement began to wane as he realized the challenges ahead.
“You know, I guess I should’ve brought a water bottle, but I figured it was a food festival, and I could get something there. Boy, was I wrong,” Tavares lamented.
As the hours ticked by, Tavares found himself in a dire situation. Four hours in the blistering sun left him dehydrated, sunburned, and inexplicably shirtless. Despite his patience and perseverance, he was unable to make a single purchase. Every time he approached the front of a line, the food trucks revealed that they had sold out. Specialty grilled cheese sandwiches with objectively stupid ingredient combinations, honestly gross-looking tacos, chicken wings that didn’t even look that great, and overpriced craft beers were all out of reach for the hapless southern New England stereotype.
The festival, known for attracting the slowest and most expensive food trucks from across Little Rhody, failed to meet the expectations of many attendees. The food prices were so high that most seemed to assume they were typographical errors, and the quality was questionable at best. Overhopped trash water was available at every craft beer truck, at least until Tavares reached the front of the line.
As the festival drew to a close, with unsatisfied and impoverished patrons beginning to file out, Tavares collapsed from exhaustion and dehydration. He was rushed to the hospital, where he remained in a coma for three weeks. When he finally regained consciousness, he discovered that his car had been towed and his hefty medical bills had completely drained his unused food truck funds.
Would the food enthusiast do it again? Surprisingly, Tavares remained undeterred. “Absolutely. Just like everyone else, for some reason, I love food trucks even though they’re slow, inconvenient, and just not as good as most other food options. Next year, I’ll get there even earlier, and this time, I’m bringing my own food just in case.”
For those planning to attend the next Newport Food Truck & Craft Beer Festival, remember to come prepared. Bring plenty of water, wear sunscreen, and perhaps pack a small snack to tide you over while you wait. Despite the hurdles, the appeal of food trucks continues to draw crowds, and for Manny Tavares, the experience is worth every bit of the inconvenience.
Franklin Carson
