THE NORTH COUNTRY – In the quiet woods of New Hampshire, buried beneath layers of earth and concealed by shipping containers, we discovered a man who defied the conventional wisdom of 2012. Meet Ezekiel Stone, the prepper who spent ten years underground, awaiting the impending apocalypse predicted by the Mayan calendar. Emerging from his subterranean sanctuary, Ezekiel shares his unique perspective on the world that awaits him after a decade in isolation.
As we descend into the depths of his underground bunker, Ezekiel reflects on the astonishment he feels about the world above. “Back in 2012, everyone thought I was crazy. Now, my property value has skyrocketed,” he chuckles, gesturing at the lush surroundings that conceal his underground fortress. “Guess who’s laughing now?”
Ezekiel’s bunker, fashioned from repurposed shipping containers, served as a fortress against an anticipated doomsday. But as he steps into the sunlight, he’s quick to observe the changes in the world above. “Cars haven’t changed much, but everything else has. People look a lot uglier now,” he notes with a sardonic grin.
He recounts the shock of witnessing the inflation of prices, especially in the property market. “I paid peanuts for this land, and now it’s worth a fortune. The apocalypse was a great real estate investment,” he quips.
As Ezekiel navigates the modern world, he expresses dismay at the state of entertainment. “Nobody makes comedy movies anymore. What happened to the days of belly laughs and slapstick humor?” he laments, his eyes scanning the cineplex marquee. “Bridesmaids might be the last funny movie ever made.”
To pass the time in his subterranean solitude, Ezekiel immersed himself in solitary pursuits. “I played a lot of solitaire,” he confesses, “and wrote a hip-hop musical about the Founding Fathers, with a focus on Thomas Jefferson. It’s a totally original masterpiece.”
The musical, titled “Revolution Rhymes: A Constitutional Beat,” now stands as Ezekiel’s artistic legacy. “I was inspired by the resilience of the Founding Fathers, just like I was prepared for the apocalypse,” he explains with a glint of pride.
Despite the allure of harvesting his newfound property value, and the expected fame from his absolutely unprecedented magnum opus, Ezekiel confesses a yearning for the simplicity of life underground. “The bunker was my sanctuary. It’s quieter down there, and I could focus on what truly mattered – survival and solitaire.”
As our interview nears its end, Ezekiel drops a bombshell. “Once I sell the rights to my hip-hop masterpiece, I’m loading up on supplies, and I’m going back underground for another ten years,” he declares with conviction. “I’ll resurface in 2033, and who knows what world I’ll find then. Hopefully better looking people.”
And with that, Ezekiel Stone, the prepper who outlasted the apocalypse, disappears back into the shadows, leaving us to contemplate the strangeness of a world that has failed to change in ways he never could have predicted. Only time will tell if his next underground odyssey will yield another decade-defying adventure or if the world above will prove too tempting to resist
Stan Dirkson
