Litter-ally Unbelievable: Climate Change Fairies Exposed.

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SAN FRANCISCO – In a surprising twist that has environmentalists scratching their heads, a band of woodland fairies, once known for their eco-friendly initiatives as the Climate Change Fairies, have been revealed to be the biggest violators of the problems they supposedly were fighting against. Forget about reducing carbon footprints; these mischievous sprites have been shown to embrace practices in complete opposition to what they supposedly sought to prevent – littering and chain-smoking.

Once upon a time, the Climate Change Fairies were universally known as the environmental heroes of the woods. Their tiny wings were thought to flit about, planting trees, ensuring recycling bins were utilized, and sprinkling eco-friendly glitter to encourage sustainable living among forest creatures. It was a fairy tale turned green, and everyone loved it.

But like most fairy tales, this one was revealed to be a lie. Instead of tending to delicate blossoms and following their own pro-environment slogans, these once sworn-green guardians have been revealed to be veritable agents of chaos, leaving a trail of discarded soda cans, chip wrappers, and the unmistakable scent of cigarette smoke in their wake.

After years of spreading their preservationist rhetoric, multiple candid pictures and many more reports detailing the fairies engaging in seemingly gleeful acts of littering have surfaced, creating literal garbage heaps adorned with bits of discarded human refuse that decorate entire tracts of forestland. What was once a serene and pristine forest floor is now a chaotic mess of wrappers, bottles, and fairy-sized cigarette butts.

Apparently, they’ve also developed a taste for cigarettes to accompany the reckless abandon of yesteryear and find joy in both chaos created by their seemingly newfound disregard for cleanliness, and the smooth flavor of lightly toasted tobacco. This comes on the heels of years of campaigning by The Climate Change Fairies to stop the general public from smoking.

“What was once a unified front against climate change has devolved into whether or not these fairies can be trusted at all.” Explains world renown cryptozoologist Dr. Isabella Coleman, “For years the general public have looked to them for wisdom and guidance on this and other issues. Now that it has been revealed they not only do not practice what they preach, but do the exact opposite of what they’re telling people to do to protect the forest, one must wonder if anyone will listen to any of their demands and recommendations in the future.”

As the world grapples with this fairy-tale-turned-topsy-turvy, one thing is clear – the Climate Change Fairies have exchanged their squeaky clean image a dirty one, quite litter-ally. Perhaps it’s time for an intervention, or at the very least, a forest-wide campaign to bring awareness to the perils of littering and nicotine addiction that is not led by these fairies. The Climate Change Fairies may have been proven to be insincere, but the need to keep our environment clean and beautiful can never be in doubt.

Jessica Cortez-Hill