Hey there, Rock’n’rollers, it’s me, Lou Reed. Yeah, I know, I died. Sorry about that. Livers, man. Something about a liver that always got me. Like, the liver has one job – take all the bad shi*t you put in your body, all the evil, all the menace – and purify it. It’s like a saintly organ, man. So when your liver tries to kill you, that’s when you know you really messed up. Karma for some transgression. But I’m up here in Heaven, and this fish wrapper is paying me to write record reviews, so that’s life. You gotta work.
Before we get into the record, though, I figure you probably want to know a little about the afterlife. I mean, when you get to talk to someone from beyond the f*cking grave, do you really want to hear him go on about a pop record from New Zealand? So what is Heaven like? It’s big, for one thing. It’s a lot like New York, really. There’s a West Side that’s like Hell’s Kitchen – but they don’t call it that. And there’s no Hudson Yards crap. There’s a Chelsea and a Village. And there’s a Canal Street, too. You can buy plastics and Peking duck and knockoff handbags. There are more parks, I’ll say that for Heaven. And group Tai Chi in every one. Tai Chi is huge, man. Any day of the week I can walk into a park and pick up a class.
I’ve seen some old friends up here. Andy is a king around here, I’m not joking. Everyone knows him. It’s like the old days. He’s got a table in this restaurant that’s like Max’s, but it’s called Moses’ Kansas City. Steak and chickpeas, same idea. Andy’s working on big things, you’re gonna hear about them some day. And me and him, there’s no bad feelings between us anymore. Not that there were at the end, but there were so many things I didn’t get to say to him. I said it later, but not directly to him. So we get together for tea at his place once a month or so. Andy’s doing good.
I saw Sterling, he was really good, man. He’s playing a lot, and writing, too. He played me some of the stuff he wrote, it was good. It’s hard, ‘cause his old lady and kids, they’re still alive. It’s kinda like torture some days, honestly. But you just keep working and doing Tai Chi, I guess. That’s what I’m doing.
Ok, here’s one of the weirdest things about the afterlife that you wouldn’t know until you get here: time works really funny. It’s slow. So, the first day I sat down and talked to Andy, he told me had been in Heaven for about a thousand years. I thought he was just being Andy, but he was serious. So those earth-years between 1987 and 2013 are a thousand Heaven years, give or take. Wild stuff, right?
So let’s get to this record. Antony from Antony and the Johnsons told me to be on the lookout for it a while ago, so I was really excited to finally see it here in Heaven. It’s called Pure Heroine by a kid called Lorde. And get this – she was fifteen or sixteen years old when she put this record together, and for a rock’n’roll record by a young person this feels about as polished as it gets.
It’s ten tracks and they’re all crystalline, teeth grinding, pillhead stuff about being a kid and not knowing what’s coming next, man. I’m into it. Could it use some guitars? Sure. But it does this zoned out fuzz really good, man.
The opening cut is called “Tennis Court”. First songs are important. I think about with Lulu, we started with “Brandenburg Gate”, and that’s the whole album right there. Most of it, at least. “Tennis Court” does some of that, too. You got those minimal electro tones. You got girls and boys figuring things out on their own. It’s all there, the blueprint for the rest of the record.
Honestly, there’s a solid run of songs that follow it up. “Royals” is the single, and it’s catchy. I think I heard it in a pizzeria on MacDougal before, you know, before I died, so it must have had some kind of pre-release life. I think the one that follows it, “Ribs”, is my favorite on the record. It’s got a beat, like a weird disco song, but it’s the saddest tune, man. I love that dynamic, when you have an upbeat song that disguises pure human misery. You can go back to Del Shannon with that if you want. “Runaway.” Slit your wrists, there.
So yeah, a solid run of songs right through “Team”, and then the back end dies a little. But for a debut to have six back to back killer songs to start a record off, that’s alright, man.
That’s my review, it’s 2013, brand new music up here in Heaven, check it out Lorde – Pure Heroine, 4/5 stars.
