In the latest tale that is as unbelievable as it is unimportant, local man Joe Schmo recently claimed to have seen Bigfoot while enjoying a burger at next to the woods while on break from work or something. We’re here to break down this riveting story that no one asked for, so buckle up for a wild ride through the realms of questionable storytelling.
According to Schmo, he was savoring a particularly juicy burger when he suddenly spotted Bigfoot or something out of the corner of his eye. Now, before you start entertaining the idea that a mythical creature graced us with its presence, let’s remember that most people will mistake a tree stump for a celebrity in a ghillie suit if the lighting’s right.
Schmo described the alleged encounter with all the excitement of a potato, insisting that the creature was tall, hairy, and generally Bigfoot-ish. He even tried to snap a photo, but surprise, surprise – the picture came out blurrier than a 90 year old’s vision without their glasses.
As I delve further into this enthralling narrative, I feel compelled to mention that I only have a paragraph or two until I satisfy my deadline. You might be wondering why we’re dedicating any time to this story at all. Well, you’re not alone.
As it turns out, the guy who reported this story was hit by a bus, meeting an untimely demise after sharing his outlandish tale. Sources say he was so engrossed in telling his thrilling tale, that he fell over, rolled into the street and was overcome by an oncoming bus. Perhaps the real tragedy here is that his camera wasn’t fast enough to capture the moment he became one with the asphalt.
So he’s dead, and at this point, I’m just stringing together words to fill the required space to fill my required allotment. It’s not like I have anything better to do, like saving a failing marriage or finding a new job. Nope, I’m stuck here explaining how a man who claimed to see Bigfoot ended up as roadkill.
In conclusion, I’m not entirely sure why we devoted any time to this stupid story. But hey, if it brought a fleeting moment of amusement to your life, I suppose it wasn’t a complete waste. As for Schmo, may he rest in peace – or pieces, depending on the velocity of that bus. And in case anyone is interested, my marriage is falling apart, and I’m not as lucky as this Schmo guy, because I’m stuck here reporting bullshit until the day I die. The end.
Andrew Crowe
hey
cool blog 🙂 will give it a follow and a like !