HAZARD – In the picturesque hills of Hazard, Kentucky, Zeke Clemmins, a farmer known for his assertive sense of justice and mercury rich soils, found himself in a close encounter of the peculiar kind. The unfolding saga began when Zeke witnessed a flying saucer gracefully touching down behind his weathered barn, stirring up a cloud of dust that settled over the Appalachian landscape.
Approaching the scene with a mix of awe and skepticism, Zeke stumbled upon an astonishing sight. An extraterrestrial visitor, complete with “googly eyes” and an otherworldly demeanor, was caught in the act of trying on a pair of soiled blue jeans – remnants of an unfortunate mishap that occurred on Zeke’s farm.
Having heard one too many tales of friends falling prey to the infamous “googly-eyed anal probers”, Zeke decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. Fueled by determination and a can of camouflaged Busch Light, the farmer quickly and efficiently subdued the gray interloper, using the same techniques that he would use to wrangle one of his many grandchildren.
In a feat that would make any wrestling aficionado proud, Zeke managed to confine the alien in a dog crate, securing the mysterious creature in a location he remains tight-lipped about. When asked about the captive’s whereabouts, Zeke chuckled, saying, “Somewhere safe, somewhere they won’t find him.”
And what, pray tell, are Zeke’s plans for the extraterrestrial intruder? With a mischievous grin, he quipped, “Gonna do some probing of my own, see what all the fuss is about.” Whether this probing involves unraveling the secrets of intergalactic anatomy or is simply fueled by a farmer’s innate curiosity remains to be seen.
Zeke claims that the saucer lifted off almost immediately after he walked into view, but there was a suspiciously saucer shaped lump under a tarp that was visible on our video interview
As the tale of Zeke Clemmins’ extraterrestrial capture weaves its way through the hills of Hazard, there lingers an unease beneath the surface. A hushed concern ripples through the community, whispering about the possibility of the alien’s comrades returning in search of their lost companion, and the revenge probing that may ensue. While Zeke may revel in his daring act, the hills of Hazard may soon echo with the footsteps of otherworldly visitors, drawn by the mysterious disappearance of their hapless friend. The enchanting hills of Kentucky hold their breath, awaiting the next chapter in this unfolding cosmic drama.
Mohammed Sinclair
