So, this week, China celebrated the start of the new year, dubbing it the “Year of the Dragon.” Cool, right? Well, not exactly. I’m here to argue that they missed a golden opportunity by not declaring it the “Year of the Elephant.” Why? Because elephants never forget, and boy, could China use a memory boost.
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room here. China is just now celebrating new years, completely forgetting we just celebrated it a little over a month ago! This is far from the only example of this national flaw. Let me break it down with five examples of China’s forgetfulness:
- Taiwan Is Actually a Country, Not China’s Pet Project: China has this weird belief that Taiwan is its property. Newsflash: it’s not. Taiwan is its own country, with its own government, currency, and culture. For some reason, China seems to have a case of selective memory when it comes to respecting Taiwan’s sovereignty. You’d think there would be some sort of history there, but there wasn’t anything I could find to explain this lapse in memory.
- The Great Wall, The Forgotten Technology: China loves to boast about the Great Wall, how it’s this mysterious “lost technology”, but let’s be real here—it’s just a big, old pile of bricks. We haven’t seen that in action at that scale for centuries, but that certainly doesn’t have to be the case. Someone teach China how to lay some brick and mortar, they seem to have forgotten how to do it.
- Chopsticks vs. Forks, I’m Pretty Sure They Use Chopsticks: I get it, chopsticks are traditional and all, but seriously, have you tried eating rice with those things? A fork is just more efficient. China produces billions of plastic and metallic forks for use overseas, but they’ve forgotten what they’re used for and resort back eating with sticks. How many children go hungry every day as a result of this forgotten use? It’s sad really.
- Good General Gao’s Chicken, What Happened to the Recipe? For years, I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect General Gao’s chicken recipe. Everyone raves about it, but I have yet to find one that wasn’t too spicy for me. I can only conclude there’s an older example of this dish that everyone absolutely loved, and it’s yet another example of a forgotten Chinese art.
- My Missing Temu Order: Last Thursday, I placed an order on Temu. Guess what? It never showed up. Now, I’m not saying it’s China’s fault, but maybe if they had a better system in place, my package wouldn’t have been forgotten and vanished into thin air.
In conclusion, China could learn a thing or two from elephants about remembering stuff. Whether it’s respecting other countries’ sovereignty, modernizing ancient relics, or improving customer service, a little memory boost wouldn’t hurt.
So, next time China decides to celebrate the new year at some random point of the year, maybe they should consider honoring the noble elephant instead of the fiery dragon. After all, elephants never forget—and neither should China.
Hiram Glassman
