Here at The Reality Register, we seek truth above all other endeavors. Therefore, I view it as a duty to point out mistruths and lapses in realism when others refuse to do so. Which brings us to Teen Wolf.
Teen Wolf, the 1985 cult classic featuring Michael J. Fox as a high school student with a lycanthropic secret, may have won hearts with its ’80s charm, but let’s face it – the movie howls with a level of unreality that’s hard to ignore. Here are five reasons why Teen Wolf is as unrealistic as a werewolf playing basketball in a high school gym, particularly when viewed from today’s social norms.
1. Convenient Athletic Advantages: In the movie, Scott Howard’s werewolf abilities lead to newfound success on the basketball court. In reality, a sudden transformation into a towering wolf might not guarantee a spot on the team. Height isn’t everything, even for a werewolf.
Parallel to Today: Athletic prowess remains a desirable trait, but in today’s world, talent is more than just physical. Success requires hard work, dedication, and sometimes overcoming prejudices – even if you’re not covered in fur.
2. Easy Acceptance of the Hairy Truth: Scott Howard’s peers seem remarkably accepting of his lupine transformation. In reality, high school kids can be less understanding about differences, and a student sporting fur during a basketball game might not receive the same supportive applause.
Parallel to Today: Though society has become more inclusive, today’s teens still grapple with acceptance and understanding. A werewolf student might face more than just the occasional hairy encounter in the hallways – they could be dealing with serious prejudice.
3. Casual Relationship with the Law: Teen Wolf presents a world where a werewolf can take to the streets without legal consequences. In reality, the police might take a dim view of a furry vigilante patrolling the neighborhood, even if it’s just to thwart a keg-stealing rival.
Parallel to Today: With the increasing scrutiny on law enforcement, even a werewolf might find themselves facing more than a stern talking-to from the local constabulary. Legal consequences await, whether you’re human, wolf, or somewhere in between.
4. Lack of Social Media Drama: In the ’80s, no one had to worry about their lycanthropic transformations going viral on TikTok or Instagram. Today, if Scott Howard (aka Teen Wolf) started wolfing out on the dance floor, it would be trending worldwide before the next full moon.
Parallel to Today: The struggle for privacy in a digital age is real, and teens today navigate a landscape where every moment can be captured, shared, and dissected online. Scott Howard’s ability to keep his lupine secret in the age of smartphones and social media would be a howling challenge.
5. Absence of Supernatural School Counselors: Teen Wolf presents us with a high school where the supernatural is a mere inconvenience rather than a life-altering event. In reality, school counselors don’t usually specialize in advising students on how to handle their newfound werewolf abilities.
Parallel to Today: While modern schools grapple with real issues like bullying and mental health, a werewolf high school counselor is still reserved for the realm of fiction. Today’s students might benefit more from guidance on college applications than managing their transformations.
In the grand tapestry of ’80s cinema, Teen Wolf may be a beloved classic, but in the real-world landscape of today, the movie’s portrayal of lycanthropic adolescence is as far-fetched as a wolfman with a perfect slam dunk. Talk about a hairy situation!
Hiram Glassman
