Salut, les amis! Last week I admitted a deep secret to the readers of The Reality Register, one
that lay hidden in the misty depths of my physical body, but never far from my mystical mind.
Of course, the realization and confession of my Grey birth has led to many horrible, albeit
expected, side effects – multiple three-letter agencies, some most of us have never heard of,
have had me under surveillance, medical professionals have taken samples of every emission
my human shell can produce, and my Guides La’La-Ra and Fai’th-Ra have been avoiding me.
Sad. I thought we were all friends.
The Grey January 1 – January 29:
Now that I realize the connection between us, how about a date this Friday? I can feel your
silvery luminescence from here. I feel funny inside.
Etsai January 30 – February 27:
Energy from the moon is making you bolder. You are lucky to have such an ally in these trying
times. Strip bare and dance in the glow, Bullsy.
Doppelgänger February 28 – March 27:
First, a prime minister. Now, a former-possibly-future-president. Remember the drill – If you see
something, say something.
Sandwalker March 28 – April 25:
You should consider accompanying Lusca on their night out. You will add class and style to all
events this week. Goodness knows, Mr./Ms. Handsy could use some of that!
Sasquatch April 26 – May 24:
That noxious breeze is not the side effect of too many family-size Taco Bell boxes. It is the
smell of dwindling freedom. In other news, you may want to get that rash checked out at the
doctor.
Chupacabra May 25 – June 22:
Time to look into addiction counseling or a 12-Step group. Not to put you on blast, but
everyone knows that eating a herd of goats – and three innocently by-standing sheep – in a
frenzy was a bit over the top. It works if you work it, Chupa.
Lusca June 23 – July 21:
Summer has you feeling extra energized. If there is an event you have thought of attending, but
you were too shy, now is the time. Dress to the nines and break hearts!
Centaur July 22 – August 19:
Leo season is having the opposite effect on you. Continue the intellectual trend from last week.
Taking time to study the classics will help you impress potential mates. Memorize some
Plautus and spout off at will.
Goatman August 20 – September 17:
Authority figures probably will land wrong with you this week. Watch your flapping mandible. If you are an authority figure, you may come off overly harsh. Try to remember you are a goat-human and not a walking dipstick.
Frogman September 18 – October 16:
And…there they go. Back into hiding. Darn. I had hoped someone would get a shaky polaroid
to prove Froggy was here.
The Loch Ness Monster October 17 – November 7:
It may be too much to handle. It seems like humanity has lost all self-regulation. Well, they can
take their “gimme-gimme” grubbing hands and shove ‘em where the kelp has no stink!
Beast of Exmoor November 8 – December 6:
Kitty season is always upon us. The humans believe in the sign of Leo. Foolish mortals! We all
know everyday is BOE day!
Mermaid December 7 – December 31:
That smoky aura floating over your pond is not some cryptid homage to Deep Purple, but
destiny. Swim toward it. Let it engulf you.
I raise a glass of Celestial Glow to all of you. If only you could all experience the release that
comes from finding your true selves. Though there are challenges, I would trade it not. Now, if
The Grey would just text, call, or send me a starbeam so I know they care. Sigh.
Love to all!
Lady Bacon
