Salut, les amis! We are still in the sign of Sasquatch until May 24. The energy surrounding this sign is one of delicate precision and brute force – a strange combination when you think of those enormous mitts this ‘tid has. Fear not! Sassy can be also be a cuddle squatch, as an exposé in The Reality Register showed us last week.
The Grey January 1 – January 29:
I dreamt about you, Grey. You landed in a field near my house. Unlike so many others, I snapped a perfect, steady picture of the top of your ship as it sunk into the ground. The photo dissolved in my hand. What are THEY hiding?
Etsai January 30 – February 27:
Been feeling a little under the weather, friend? You may want to try a bit of dandelion and sambucas tea. Boost that immune system this week.
Doppelgänger February 28 – March 27:
Good, Lordy. Not that guy again. Sitting in your desk, you just want to get the day over with so you can live your life…and here he comes again – The Day Ruiner.
Sandwalker March 28 – April 25:
Too many mussels and too many Tequila Sunsets have done a number on your form. You are practically bursting at the shell. Did you hear that Jelly Roll ran a 5K recently? Goals, buddy.
Sasquatch April 26 – May 24:
To the tune of Donavan’s Season of the Witch:
“That fur’s gonna make you itch,
The ferns begging to be squashed,
Rain running in the ditch,
Must be the season of the Squatch.”
Chupacabra May 25 – June 22:
Your travels have taken you far at this point. Last week you were in Vermont. This week you are heading to Nova Scotia. Where you will end up, no one knows.
Lusca June 23 – July 21:
Tentacles feel a bit draggy this week. That stuffy nose and thick-headed feeling have grabbed ahold and will not release. Maybe you should have started the allergy meds last week like I advised, friend.
Centaur July 22 – August 19:
While out with your crew last Saturday, you met up with a lovely morsel of hotness. Why are you still sitting on their number? Grab them before your friends do. This is fate!
Goatman August 20 – September 17:
You may consider sprucing the place up a bit this week. Get a few new plants, but do your research first. Some can be toxic to pets and little squirts.
Frogman September 18 – October 16:
These tornado and severe storm conditions have you glowing. All that delicious moisture in the air is making Froggy think of making another appearance. We have missed you.
The Loch Ness Monster October 17 – November 7:
All the fish are being snagged by fishing folk. What will Nessie do when their loch is empty? Take revenge, of course! A LNM rampage may be on the horizon.
Beast of Exmoor November 8 – December 6:
House cats everywhere are rejoicing in your recent victory against a vacuum cleaner. They can only dream of having such ferocious tenacity.
Mermaid December 7 – December 31:
The last sailor you tempted changed course and bolted. I say this with love: Could it have been your hygiene? You do eat a lot of fish and seaweed, you know.
Get those cards and flowers ready to celebrate Mother’s Day this week. If you are mother-less, like so many of our cryptid friends, NASCAR day is on the 19th. Either way, try to be thankful for something or someone this week.
Until next week, my friends!
Lady Bacon
