Salut, les amis! Solar flares are no match for this crew of social misfits! Who cares about cell phones and computers when you have a whole forest to scramble around in? It seems one of our ‘tids has committed a grave offense against a political figure. If you see a Doppelgänger around call the CIA or the local dog catcher – whichever will get there first (probably the dog
catcher.)
The Grey January 1 – January 29:
Come clean, Grey. Did you or did you not cause the solar flare last week? Was it just a laser show gone wrong? I want to give you the benefit of the doubt but you really make it hard.
Etsai January 30 – February 27:
You have been such a grump lately. A yoga retreat may be in order. If you can fight off all the demons you summon doing Eagle Arms it will make you feel amazing.
Doppelgänger February 28 – March 27:
You should stick with Assassin’s Creed and leave Prime Ministers alone, my friend. Oh, my bad. That must have been your twin. Again. You really need to deal with that creep.
Sandwalker March 28 – April 25:
Your date kind of went south. Some shells are just too tough to crack, you big softy. Shrug it off. They were made for someone else. Somewhere, your true love awaits!
Sasquatch April 26 – May 24:
You have been stomping around like a mega-grump all week long. Why not get yourself a nice cup of Ashwagandha tea? Or, a cocktail at the Black Lagoon? Whatever you do – mellow out, man.
Chupacabra May 25 – June 22:
You have made your mark on the world but still cannot get on the morning TV circuit. This week you get your chance to tell your side of the story. We all know those goats had it coming!
Lusca June 23 – July 21:
Your tentacles are too tight, sexy. Meet up with Etsai and try a yoga class. You are both pure evil so the demons should leave you alone.
Centaur July 22 – August 19:
Say “howdy” to Froggy when you see him out and about for 2-for-1 cocktails at the Black Lagoon. Be sure to tip your waitstaff. No more being a cheapskate!
Goatman August 20 – September 17:
Where is your sense of humor, Goaty? You may need to get out of your head for a bit to find it again. Try those deep breathing exercises Etsai has been raving about.
Frogman September 18 – October 16:
2-for-1 cocktails at the Black Lagoon? We ride at dawn, Froggy! Karaoke is calling. I also hear there are free pretzels and peanuts on the bar. Your rendition of Rhinestone Cowboy is bound to be a hit.
The Loch Ness Monster October 17 – November 7:
Your latest kelp-related art show was a bust. Sweat it not! Just dig deeper for inspiration next time. Try listening to some Broadway while you work. I hear the music from Wicked is great for inspiring cryptids.
Beast of Exmoor November 8 – December 6:
Time to put that ferocious intellect to the test. Sign up for a new class and show the teacher how to do their job. That ought to go down swell.
Mermaid December 7 – December 31:
Practice those backflips and get ready to show off. An olympic coach is in town visiting family. This is your lucky break!
This week is bound to be a fun and social time for our cryptid friends. It would be a good idea for us all to take some time out of our busy schedules and party down. We need to maintain a balance, you know.
Until next week, my friends!
Lady Bacon
