Salut, les amis! May is in full force with flowers and trees blooming wildly. Those cute little black and yellow pandas of the insect world are making magic grow. All things have a positive and a negative charge so get that allergy medication ready, folks. Pollen is no joke. Aaa-choo!
The Grey January 1 – January 29:
If you plan to travel this week, you may want to check out the local irritants. You can be a sensitive little alien. Load up on copper and zinc. Your internal store of metals may be off balance.
Etsai January 30 – February 27:
You know what would suit you? A pretty garland of daisies. I know your hooves were not made for delicate work like that, but you can always ask a friend.
Doppelgänger February 28 – March 27:
This week you will be in a peaceful state of mind. Your twin is heavily medicated in a care facility, leaving you to contemplate life’s mysteries without their influence. Now is the time for you to make your move.
Sandwalker March 28 – April 25:
The next time you crack open a tasty mussel keep in mind that the Earth provides for us all in one way or another. Earth Day can be everyday, Crabby. Do your part to reduce, reuse, and recycle that spent shell.
Sasquatch April 26 – May 24:
The online meeting is a real drag. That old Boomer, Earl, still has not mastered the mute button on Zoom. If you have to hear him hack up a lung one more time…
Chupacabra May 25 – June 22:
Sweet, Chupa. Sometimes, I wonder why you keep doing this to yourself. If they cannot see your value, move on. You are too good to suffer such indignities.
Lusca June 23 – July 21:
Allergies are not always nasally-inclined. You may want to have that rash looked at. It looks a bit too festery for its own good.
Centaur July 22 – August 19:
There are so many things to get into this month. Formula 1 racing is in full swing. Sports. The arts. You should find plenty of activities to enjoy with your buds.
Goatman August 20 – September 17:
AI has been a boon to everything except your social life. It is time to put down the iPhone or Android and get back to the basics – go talk to someone in person this week. If you struggle for conversation, try asking what their favorite color is. You can learn a lot about a person from that one question.
Frogman September 18 – October 16:
Work is going to drag. Better explore some hobbies on the side. One may turn into a lucrative side hustle.
The Loch Ness Monster October 17 – November 7:
Who needs the hassle of a job or relationship? There are concerts and good times to be had solo. No matter if you are a male or female, you vibe with independence and free thought, Nessie.
Beast of Exmoor November 8 – December 6:
Wondering what you do best, little kitty? Simple answer: Prancing. Those cute paws of yours are happy dancers. Hit the club this week and show those other cryptids what you are working with.
Mermaid December 7 – December 31:
Swimming free in the waves. Flirting with swarthy sailors. Eating hotdogs. These are things in which you excel. Never change, fishy.
Take your antihistamines if you need them. Remember to think of our cryptid friends and their environments when you are out and about. Be respectful and keep their homes clean.
Until next week, my friends!
Lady Bacon
