Hello everyone and welcome to another reader submission to The Reality Register! Reader submissions are usually my favorite thing to print, as I love hearing from our readers, especially when they have interesting stories to tell, but I feel like this one comes from a place of anger. At first I was hesitant to give this guy a platform, but I’ve been assured by all parties involved that it’s okay to print it.
If you haven’t been following this saga, our resident psychic and author of the fabulous weekly cryptid horoscope column, Lady Bacon, seemingly picked up a particularly vocal fan. Initially, he took to our Instagram page to praise her powers and insights, as seen here…
Unfortunately, these comments quickly took a turn that trended towards obsession. It looked as if Lady Bacon had officially picked up a stalker, one who had convinced himself that he was meant to serve as her sidekick, apparently wanting to somehow help her with column. Throughout the ordeal, her responses remained civil but firm…
His comments became increasingly hostile, and messages flooded the inboxes of [email protected] and Lady Bacon’s Direct Messages on Instagram. Pstephen seemed determined to make it known that he had powers, which could somehow aid in Lady Bacon’s efforts. It all led up to a message I addressed in a Q & A article…
What followed was nearly a month of silence. The silence finally came to an end this morning, when we received Pstephen’s response, in which he proclaims himself to now be a full-fledged psychic warrior. So here it is, my apologies for the drawn out lead-in, but I think a bit of background is necessary to understand what is going on here. Enjoy!
Jacob Bartholomew
My name is Stephen Cromwell, and I am a psychic warrior. I wasn’t always this way, but finding Lady Bacon has awakened a long dormant side of me that I had been trying to hide for some time. After reading her column, I started spelling my name with a silent P as an homage to her and her psychic abilities. She is the Yin to my Yang, the other half of the complete being known as “ME”.
Finding Lady Bacon made my heart complete, but it was utterly shattered when she rejected my proposal to become her personal psychic aid. I must make her realize that I could be a very powerful ally, but would be an even more powerful enemy. She has powers that can’t be denied, but I do too, and I refuse to let them be ignored.
I was born into an occult revival in the early 1980’s. While other kids were playing Nintendo, I was playing with Tarot Cards, but also Nintendo. My mother was a disciple of Sylvia Browne, studying remotely through advanced cathode ray technology, and I studied alongside her, predicting the next song on the jukebox with near 50-50 accuracy, and frequently guessing at least two numbers on the next Keno game.
My love for my mother was unending, and hers was an exaggerated reciprocation. We knocked on wood, crossed our hearts, and held our breath as we passed every cemetery. Late nights in the apartment complex were lit by the chocolate glow of the television, and eventually, I heeded the messages sent to me: “Call me now!”
I honed my skills by mimicking my broadcasted mentors, but as I grew I began to read all I could on the subject from my local library. The more I researched the subject and grew to respect the trade, I looked back at those early influences. I quickly realized many of them were nothing more than money grubbing charlatans. Something had to be done about them before people started to doubt the supernatural powers that emanated from the rays of the television.
I first turned my focus on Silvia Browne, determined to make others see her for the fraud I knew her to be. Up to this point, she seemed to be infallible, but I watched a recorded episode of The Montel Williams Show on repeat and focused on her face. She had to be revealed, and I rubbed my temples until they were sore, determined to make it so. After just 5 years of doing this, it started to happen. At first it was a few missed predictions, then a missing child that she said had died turned out to be alive, and suddenly a slew of lies were apparent to all viewers. The Montel Williams Show was soon cancelled as a result, and within just 14 years of my focused thought, Silvia Browne was not just ruined, she was dead.
I smiled as I reached to turn off my crackling analog television set, but realized the world had to know about Miss Cleo too. After all the time I had spent on Silvia Browne, I now knew how to be more focused. I sat for days waiting for the infomercial to inhabit my screen, VCR at the ready, but to no avail.
I eventually called up my local television station to see if they still had a tape of the forgotten psychic, and they told me that if I bought some ad space they’d air one of the old tapes they had lying around their studio. Mom was long gone at this point, so I pawned her wedding ring and sent off the money.
When the ad finally aired, I recorded it and sat watching it on repeat for weeks. I was confident and focused, knowing the world would soon know about the fraudulent practices of the so-called Jamaican psychic. As I peered into the screen at the woman from over a decade before, the telephone rang.
On the other end of the line was the sales department of the television station asking if I wanted to run the ad again, which of course, I did not. The man said he understood, but asked why I wanted to air old ads in the first place, especially as they were for a psychic who had died two years earlier, in 2016. I couldn’t believe it. My powers were so focused, I had caused the death of Miss Cleo years before I even started to target her downfall.
I realized how dangerous I was and vowed never again to revisit this side of me, until of course, I saw the writings of Lady Bacon. I want to use my powers for good, like she does. She is a shining example of a true psychic, dedicated to the betterment of her readers.
Lady Bacon, hear my plea, let me serve you as your psychic sidekick, as I can be of great help to you in your endeavor. I’m not sure I could stand another rejection, so if you have one poised, prepare for a psychic entanglement for the ages. I have nothing but time…and power.
-Pstephen Cromwell
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