Welcome back, Reality Readers, to another tantalizing edition of Reality Rumors, where we delve into the mysterious and scandalous happenings that keep tongues wagging and heads turning. From celebrity flings to interstellar obsessions, we’ve got the inside scoop on it all. So grab your favorite gossip buddy and settle in for a wild ride!
Holiday Hijinks: A little guy with a heart of gold was nowhere to be found on his signature holiday this year, as it seems that he’s been seen dallying about town with a leading lady who has been Dune just fine with her friendly neighborhood boyfriend, or so it seemed. This unambiguous beauty can’t seem to get enough of the lucky guy’s charms, but I’m sure this fling will be short lived.
Binge-Watching Extraterrestrials: Television addiction knows no bounds, and it appears that even interstellar visitors have fallen victim to its allure. These extraterrestrial binge-watchers have taken quite a shine to every streaming service they can get their spindly hands on. Their initial foray into reviewing shows with “Grey” in the title has gotten out of hand and now they won’t leave the couch! They’ve got a backlog of anal probes must be backing up, but they just can’t get enough of reruns of The Office. Hey, same here!
Cryptid Capers: Our man in Maine is sitting on a few more pictures of a newly discovered cryptid, and hokey smokes has he pulled a rabbit out of a hat with this one! It seems the big guy has a little companion just like some beloved Minnesota troublemakers that your parents could tell you all about. Where are Boris and Natasha when you need them?
Canine Confrontation: Now, some sad news. It seems that a young cryptozoologist who has previously graced these pages has been attacked by a vicious canine cryptid that will not be named, lest we run afoul of his legions of adoring fans. The young tot was playing fetch with his normal dog when the ridiculously popular beast tried to get in on the action. The boy was having none of it, and swatted the overgrown pooch on the snout with a granola bar. Reportedly, the creature ran off yelping like our office dog after it got up close and personal with a porcupine. Doggone, man, have a little dignity, you’re supposed to be the most terrifying cryptid of all!
Insectoid Incident: An insectoid cryptid in Appalachia is reportedly nursing his wounds after a savage beating from a journalist of legendary integrity, and he’s been engaging in some self reflection. Apparently, he blames his own actions for the beating, and has vowed to try and make amends for all the people he’s hurt over the years. It seems that you can’t run from the past forever and justice will always catch up with you in the end, no matter how many Richard Gere movies they make about you. Whether it’s collapsing a bridge, or running over a jogger on new year’s day when I was 17, your misdeeds never really go away.
And with that, dear readers, we wrap up another whirlwind week of Reality Rumors. Until next time, remember: gossip may be fleeting, but scandals are forever. Stay tuned for more juicy tidbits and scandalous revelations. Have a fabulous week!
