In the dimly lit corridors of power and intrigue, whispers of clandestine dealings and hidden agendas echo. Welcome, reality readers, to Reality Rumors, where we shine a light on the enigmatic world of secrets and scandals. Join us as we delve into the murky depths of the unknown and uncover the truths that lurk in the shadows.
Diplomatic Turmoil:
Diplomacy is dead, at least that how it looks South of the border at the moment. Raiding embassies isn’t exactly an international norm, but then again, neither is sending hundreds of thousands of Grey aliens to your northern neighbor. Our friends in high places tell us that we can expect to see more of the niceties fall away between the nations of the Americas, as the Grey menace continues to create emergency after emergency, and possibly regime change.
AI Assassinations Unveiled:
Speaking of international difficulties, a certain Middle Eastern Ally has been relying on AI to select targets, allowing the software to distinguish between civilians and legitimate military combatants before launching US-funded munitions to blast its enemies to smithereens. There’s only one problem – there’s a ghost in the machine, and it’s a former Defense secretary known mostly for not knowing the difference between knowns and unknowns, and boy does he love pulling the trigger. Mission accomplished!
Stock Market Shenanigans:
A dastardly and unethical stock trading app has been shutting down user accounts left and right after it discovered that a group of enterprising apes have been mirroring the trades of a destructive sea monster. While the creature’s trades have been unaffected, the popular platform has deleted the accounts of anyone who has mimicked its trades too closely, and seized the account value as corporate profits. Well, anyone still using that app kind of had it coming
Web Woes and Vanished Wizards:
The world’s greatest news site is looking for a new tech guy after the previous job holder disappeared into the woods for a week and came back to find that web traffic was completely unaffected by his absence. Apparently, his coding boot camps and social media management degree haven’t led to an ability to increase web traffic, so now he’s spinning signs on a street corner trying to drive last minute filers to tax prep kiosks. Good luck, and good riddance!
Graveyard Gardening:
Finally, some sad news. A certain walking corpse-in-chief has been seen in the Rose Garden on multiple occasions frantically trying to dig a hole six feet deep, but his feeble fingers can’t break through the healthy roots of the lush lawn. Witnesses report hearing surprisingly coherent mumblings about “finally getting some rest” and “I need to nap under this dirt.” Someone get him a shovel!
As another chapter unfolds in the saga of clandestine whispers and hidden truths, we bid adieu to this installment of Reality Rumors. But fear not, dear readers, for the shadows hold many more secrets yet to be revealed. Until next time, stay curious and keep your ears to the ground for the latest whispers of reality’s secrets.
