GODDARD – Transformative supernatural creatures across large swathes of the United States are facing an unprecedented warning from Rick Spake of NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center: stay at home and indoors on April 8th of this year. This caution comes as a result of the strange effects of a total solar eclipse on their unique physiology, which can affect amazing transformations linked to celestial bodies and supernatural forces even under normal circumstances.
In 2017, the last time a total solar eclipse occurred over a relevant region, reports surfaced of werewolves, vampires, some Navajo skinwalkers, and even the occasional changeling transforming into fat neckbeards under the eerie light of the blotted sun. This year, with the so-called “Devil Comet” looming, even stranger effects are feared. According to Espenak, these “Were-nerds” may maintain their porcine forms until the next total eclipse over a good country in 2026. “These creatures will congregate in gaming shops and the few remaining shopping malls,” he warns, “rattling their chain wallets, holding doors open for ladies and then checking them out, and generally stinking things up. It’s going to be a rough couple of years, unless we can get the word out.”
Experts predict that different creatures will be affected in various ways, with vampires expected to be the most adversely impacted. “I’m really worried about the Draculas,” Espenak expresses, “since they are usually so cool and sexy. To see them bloat and reek and roll 20-sided dice is just so depressing.” However, Espenak offers a glimmer of hope, stating, “But Changelings and lesser Fairies like Pukwudgies and nymphs get an upgrade, if you ask me. They’re just so lame, and it’s nice to see them get into hobbies like bottle rocketry and painting miniature space marines.”
With the looming threat of the eclipse-induced transformation, supernatural beings are urged to take precautions to safeguard themselves from the undesirable consequences. Here are some tips for werewolves and Draculas to stay safe on April 8th:
- Stay indoors: Avoid exposure to the eclipse’s strange light by remaining indoors during the event. This will minimize the risk of transformation into a “Were-nerd.”
- Stock up on supplies: Ensure you have an ample supply of food, water, and entertainment to ride out the eclipse safely at home.
- Seek shelter in secure locations: If venturing outside is unavoidable, seek shelter in secure locations such as caves or crypts to minimize exposure to the eclipse’s effects.
- Remain vigilant: Keep a watchful eye on your fellow supernatural beings and be prepared to intervene if any begin to exhibit signs of transformation.
- Spread awareness: Educate others in the supernatural community about the risks associated with the eclipse and encourage them to take necessary precautions.
By following these guidelines, werewolves, Draculas and others can mitigate the potential dangers posed by the upcoming eclipse and emerge unscathed on the other side. Remember, safety first, even in the supernatural world!
Lhana Lhak
