AQUA-FINALE: Stellantis Puts the Brakes on New Undersea Auto Factory Amidst Tariff Uncertainty
THE LAURENTIAN ABYSS – With a long peal from a mighty conch shell, the final shift ends at the future…
Category: Cryptids
Women Are Sharing The Most Inconsiderate Things Their Boyfriends And Husbands Have Said About Selkies And I’m Ready For A Sleeping Pill Slushee
by Squatchmerch Staff We all know Selkies, those based Celtic ladies who can shapeshift into seals, right? Everyone knows Selkies…
PO’ BOY: Wendigo Arrested During Altercation At The Big Game
NEW ORLEANS, Lou. – It’s been a long year for former college football star The Wendigo. The talented Right Guard…
BREAKING: Hans Christian Andersen was actually Hans Crustacean Andersen
Seemingly pulled from one of his fairy tales, a developing story claims that a group of marine biologists and historians…
DRAGONS EXIST – Tolkien’s Shade Visits Sleeping Child, Reveals Terrible Truth
The Real Dragon Who Inspired Smaug Is Alive And We Know Where To Find Him This Thanksgiving, I found myself…
COLD SHOULDER: Cryptid Expert Weighs In On Yeti’s Loss In Popularity
The following article is a paid promotion for squatchmerch.com Even the stoic and sober world of cryptozoology is swayed by…
STRANDED BY OUR GREATEST STRENGTH – Astronauts Face Extended Stay Due to Boeing Starliner Leaks, Gremlins
LOW EARTH ORBIT – Astronauts Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams have found themselves stranded aboard the International Space Station (ISS)…
DIMETRODON WINS THE LOTTERY: PREHISTORIC JACKPOT SHOCKS THE WORLD
SOUTH BOSTON – In a twist straight out of a science fiction novel, a dimetrodon has defied the odds and…
Infestation of Bookworms at Boston Public Library Goes Unnoticed for Years
An alarming bookworm infestation has been discovered at the Boston Public Library by librarian Sally Toomes. These centipede-like creatures, favoring poorly written books, have spread throughout the library and nearby suburbs. The infestation threatens many valuable texts, and efforts are underway to eradicate the pests while raising public awareness to preserve physical literature.
FEEL SOWIE FOR YOWIE: Yowie Hospitalized As Evidence of Drug Problems Continues to Surface
LOS ANGELES – Recently problem-plagued cryptid, the Yowie, spent much of this week in a hospital psychiatric ward for treatment…